It hurts when you don't seem to care. Maybe you never did, I can't tell anymore. My memories are mostly tainted with the bitterness I feel when I think of you now. And yet I can't help but feel hurt and it grows inside me with time. It ripens into the impression of regret and loss.
This kind of betrayal, can it ever be forgiven? This kind of blatant lie that I still can't fully understand. I can't believe it, I don't want to comprehend it. I want to be able to look back on it all, all 5 months of it, like I had planned to; with a smile and a sigh for feelings now long spent. I wanted it to end gracefully but I made it drawn out until it was too thin and could not support itself and for that I am sorry. It may be my fault that I still feel this way, but I cannot shake the sensation of betrayal. And this hurt will never seem to fade.
There is an emptiness in my life and I wish I could believe you feel the same way. I feel cut away from something I had immersed myself in, ripped at the seams. But more than seams, ripped right through the fabric. I feel empty not because you are gone from my life, but more because I am no longer a part of yours.
I wish now, more than I ever did all those times before, that I knew what you thought. I wish I had all your reasons laid out before me in a row. I feel the only way to move past this is to understand fully why you did it. But your blatant ignorance is a mystery to me and the hurt only deepens with every passing day.
No comments:
Post a Comment