Toronto Visit

Made a tripple date and a trip to toronto. Chris and Grace, Laura and Alex and Mitch and I. Got crepes and hit Malabar, went to Black market and ignored Simple Plan at Much.

Fighting boredom in residence

So I was in a good mood and decided to take some awesome shots of me and Laura. I taped one of Mirela's white blankets to the wall above the extra bed and borrowed as many desk lights as I could. The main soundtrack for the shoot was Spice Girls.

Yesterday was a really good day. There was Mitch, and Chocolate Truffle Cake and pictures and music and Across the Universe comes out today on DVD. So I have to go to the mall at some point and get that. But right now I have an essay to write.

Deal

Yesterday my parents took me out to lunch here in Guelph. They finally asked about my marks and I had to tell them, but they weren't as dissapointed as I thought they would be. Maybe they are human and realize I'm in some unknown territory here. When they'd heard everything, my dad said he would make me a deal. If I get 75% or higher with nothing under 60%, he'll buy me that SLR I want so bad. I think I can do it, I really do. I love my courses this semester and I feel right at home in all the work. SO I guess we'll just have to see.

Speaking of cameras, I got out the old Canon and took some headshots of Mitch, because I felt like it.

Babies are surprisingly hard subjects. My cousin's 7-month old daughter, Morgan, is no exception to this. She is very cute and very squirmy. She loves Christmas trees and boxes that you can stack. She is full of smiles and my only problem was my camera's shutter had a hard time keeping up with her. Still, here's a pretty good one.

New beginnings have to start with old endings

Because I miss having friends sometimes.
Why can't we do this anymore? I feel like I'm the only one who misses the "old days" of Drama class and finishing Writer's Craft during lunch. What happened to watching Arrested on spare, and going to Tim's at lunch? Do you not need me anymore?

I hope it slowly dissapears

It hurts when you don't seem to care. Maybe you never did, I can't tell anymore. My memories are mostly tainted with the bitterness I feel when I think of you now. And yet I can't help but feel hurt and it grows inside me with time. It ripens into the impression of regret and loss.
This kind of betrayal, can it ever be forgiven? This kind of blatant lie that I still can't fully understand. I can't believe it, I don't want to comprehend it. I want to be able to look back on it all, all 5 months of it, like I had planned to; with a smile and a sigh for feelings now long spent. I wanted it to end gracefully but I made it drawn out until it was too thin and could not support itself and for that I am sorry. It may be my fault that I still feel this way, but I cannot shake the sensation of betrayal. And this hurt will never seem to fade.

There is an emptiness in my life and I wish I could believe you feel the same way. I feel cut away from something I had immersed myself in, ripped at the seams. But more than seams, ripped right through the fabric. I feel empty not because you are gone from my life, but more because I am no longer a part of yours.


I wish now, more than I ever did all those times before, that I knew what you thought. I wish I had all your reasons laid out before me in a row. I feel the only way to move past this is to understand fully why you did it. But your blatant ignorance is a mystery to me and the hurt only deepens with every passing day.

All I want for the holidays is a really nice Canon SLR type camera. The kind you have to focus manually. I want chunky and heavy and I want that solid click/crunch sound when I push the button. I know I won't get it, but that doesn't mean I can't wish right?
Actually, it's more like I just don't deserve it. I didn't do well in school, and I know where I went wrong and I know what I could have done better, but I still didn't do well at all. Not to say I failed, I'm pretty sure I didn't do that. I know my rents won't be happy when they find out, and for that I don't think I deserve what I absolutely want this holiday.
The only thing is that I don't know anyone in first semester who did well. Everyone I talk to says they were just getting used to everything. And it's true, it has been the scariest thing here sometimes. Sometimes I just want to go back to LP and have things never change. Yes I love it, but that doesn't mean it's great and I'm always happy and I'm going to do awesome. I had issues last year and that was after being in the same school for 4 years and living in the same place for 11.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making excuses, but this is hard, and I'm not used to it. So mum and dad, I'm so sorry I didn't do amazing. I didn't get 80's because I had to deal with a lot more than just school. Please understand.